Dog order Check

There is nothing unusual or gross about an antique cast iron toy atop an antique case for industrial metal die cutters, with an antique bottle of "Dog Check" chemical liquid--with the actual liquid still inside--attached in front. You may come across assemblages like this every day, but how many of them have this story? The toy dog was one of my dad's. Dad was sometimes very generous and more often very chintzy and selfish. He was convinced when he died that this toy and another (also featured in an assemblage) were worth major money. He put a padlock on a closet door and had the two toys safe inside it, along with opioids he didn't want anyone to steal, his passport, credit cards, and keys to valuable things like his rotting and rusting cars. He wanted nobody to get it except his rightful heirs. Of course when we were splitting up the estate my brother, David, and I checked ebay to see how much the uber-valuable dog and car were. They were upwards of $7 each! So that in part explains why this piece is so expensive. Got to pass that along to the customer.
The die holder came from my metalworking friend, Ian, who does spectacular artwork with car parts. His ancient and impressive "they don't make 'em like they used to" giant metalworking machines would make Dad roll over in his grave, then get out and come visit, if he hadn't been cremated. Ian dumped the die cutters into a drawer and then was stuck with this substance he had no use for: wood. Say it with me with disgust. He called and asked if I wanted it. I jumped up and down and squealed. It takes all kinds.
As for the piece de resistance, I don't remember where I got it. It was either in the batch of medical items my neighbors Mallory and Emily gave me to get ready for their twins, as if twins could fit in the space of two shadow boxes of knick-knacks. It's also possible I got it at the Big Flea, a massive flea market at Dulles. Either way, I know you will agree that it's a very special item and one you will not want to apply to your pet or drink yourself. Unless order you've had a very bad day, and even then I'd say, DON'T DO IT. IT'S NOT WORTH IT. Some guys think their stuff is worth a lot of money but it's really only $7 but they have to move on. You can get through this too.
(This motivational speech breaks down if you point out that the $7 discovery happened post mortem, but play along.)